[Jill seems perfectly content to let his hands rest where they wish, studying his face in turn. She's relaxed and at ease despite the slight tinge of pink on her cheeks. It really wasn't that much of a gamble, going in for a kiss, but the success still has her blood buzzing.
It all dims when he alludes to Clive. Right. She may as well be honest. Look at her, learning from past mistakes.]
He left me last year. He lives in the basement and we both live our lives as we see fit. [Sometimes that means sleeping with other people, sometimes that means breaking someone's nose. She tips her head towards Astarion's touch, inviting more, because it's been a lonesome time ever since that awful night.] Things were better between us before he did what he did to Dion.
[Speaking of which... she supposes she should have investigated this before kissing Astarion, but to be fair she truly didnt expect to kiss anyone today.]
Are you and Dion...?
[There's something going on there, but she wonders what, exactly, it is.]
Yes, we -- [It feels so inadequate, so nonspecific, to leave it there. And yet he doesn't truly have the words or experience to continue. He huffs out the next breath, instead, settling a little unsteadily on:] He is my heart.
[Which, in the end, feels too vulnerable anyway. His eyes flick momentarily away from her, shoulders shifting, before they settle back. There's no color to be seen to his expression, but that is more to do with his pallor than anything. Maybe that's why he doesn't call attention to that tinge of pink on her, maybe that's why he simply strokes her hair for a moment. Or maybe he's trying to arrange his words properly.]
And should that be a problem for either of you, we shall have to remain very good friends and nothing more. [His smile twitches apologetic, voice lowering as sincerity bleeds into the deliberate way he specifies,] I don't want to lose you as a friend.
[But of course, he cannot let such honesty linger, so he breezes on.]
Don't get me wrong. You are beautiful. Stunning, truly. But -- [And there is that difficulty again. He rallies nevertheless.] Ravishing as you are, your kind heart is all the more precious to me.
[His fingers brush her cheek instead of her hair this time.]
[Oh. Honesty for honesty, she supposes, but it surprises her all the same. She and Dion don't particularly talk about that aspect of their lives. For her, it so often involves Clive and some days she's not even sure where they stand. It's easier to simply not speak of it at all. No wonder they both get startled by the state of their relationships when they come to light.
She's quiet for a long moment, turning this new information over in her head.]
... I wouldn't wish to make my brother any more unhappy than I already have. [It's her turn to look apologetic, the pink gaining some momentum and touching the tips of her ears.] Your friendship is what matters most to me. I was already worried I'd ruined it.
[That was all far too much vulnerability for one day. Even though his fingers itch to touch that blush, trace the stain of it, he quells the urge rather than drag more of it out into the open. Instead, he plasters on a smile and adopts a more jovial tone.]
Right! So, we'll talk -- I'll talk to him first, and we'll get this all sorted.
[After all, how could Dion be unhappy with it? The too of them got along so well, after all. Why, if Dion wasn't so clearly gay, Astarion might have assumed the two of them had had something going on, in fact.]
[Jill looks this close to laughing. How this day keeps getting stranger and stranger, she doesn't know.]
You do that.
[Definitely not a conversation she'll be having with Dion, especially since she still needs to set things right between them.]
Dion knows me better than anyone else, I think. He's kept me on my feet this past year.
[They've known one another for only short time compared to the lifetimes she's known Clive and Joshua. Yet she cannot always be honest with Clive like she is with Dion, and Joshua's still someone she's getting to know again, now as a grown man.]
That is to say, his happiness is important to me. I support whatever brings him joy.
[Again, how easily she says it. As forced as his smile was at first, it gains something more genuine and she speaks, and nearly laughs. For a moment he loses himself to musing, to just looking at her.]
Strangely, I find myself echoing that sentiment.
[Strange only because he has not -- that he recalls -- put anyone first before. Not significantly. Not out of anything less than abject misery with his own circumstance. He can't truly explain the whole of it, but he doesn't try. It's just... nice. Just like Jill is... nice.
His hands withdraw from her slowly, dipping to take her own in his with a little squeeze. Red eyes seek gray, and he holds her gaze.]
Yet, your happiness is important as well, you know.
[Her happiness is tangled with someone struggling to keep his head above water. Someone with deep hurts she doesn't think she can heal. The Phoenix might, but every move she makes feels like the wrong one even if she dwells on it until she wants to hit her head on a wall.
But Dion also makes her happy, and she's determined to make no more mistakes with him. She meets Astarion's eyes with a soft smile, a little effort required to get it on her lips, but the squeeze to his hands is stronger.]
[Some mix of smirk and a more genuine expression twitches across his mouth, and he considers it a moment before he leans forward to steal one last little kiss. It's nothing but a peck, short and sweet and over practically before it's begun.
Then he settles back on his heels, but there is something far too self-satisfied growing in his grin.]
I can be a very persistent little reminder when I want to be.
[She smiles at the little peck, letting go of his hands so she can take his arm. All this and they haven't even left sight of the house. She gives him a little tug to pull him along.
She's sure no one's bothered to glance out the windows.
And even so, this is her business. She only glances back once before looking to Astarion.]
[Astarion allows her to take his arm, and even tug him him along, slipping smoothly into walking toward the park once more. Even if he does lean into her to bump his shoulder against hers as they go.]
You wouldn't have me any other way. [He declares, the picture of confidence.]
[Jill simply smiles for a moment as she looks at him sidelong, because while she's not one to speak of innuendos, he's a bad influence. She keeps her remark to herself.]
Indeed. I like this Astarion, that speaks his heart and mind with less concern about appearances. [In more than one way--he's vain, and she doesn't think he'll take offense for her essentially saying as much.] I like learning more about you.
[Even if it's tragic. Unfortunately, it's tragedy that makes her feel closer to people--especially when it hits similar notes to her own story.]
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It all dims when he alludes to Clive. Right. She may as well be honest. Look at her, learning from past mistakes.]
He left me last year. He lives in the basement and we both live our lives as we see fit. [Sometimes that means sleeping with other people, sometimes that means breaking someone's nose. She tips her head towards Astarion's touch, inviting more, because it's been a lonesome time ever since that awful night.] Things were better between us before he did what he did to Dion.
[Speaking of which... she supposes she should have investigated this before kissing Astarion, but to be fair she truly didnt expect to kiss anyone today.]
Are you and Dion...?
[There's something going on there, but she wonders what, exactly, it is.]
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[Which, in the end, feels too vulnerable anyway. His eyes flick momentarily away from her, shoulders shifting, before they settle back. There's no color to be seen to his expression, but that is more to do with his pallor than anything. Maybe that's why he doesn't call attention to that tinge of pink on her, maybe that's why he simply strokes her hair for a moment. Or maybe he's trying to arrange his words properly.]
And should that be a problem for either of you, we shall have to remain very good friends and nothing more. [His smile twitches apologetic, voice lowering as sincerity bleeds into the deliberate way he specifies,] I don't want to lose you as a friend.
[But of course, he cannot let such honesty linger, so he breezes on.]
Don't get me wrong. You are beautiful. Stunning, truly. But -- [And there is that difficulty again. He rallies nevertheless.] Ravishing as you are, your kind heart is all the more precious to me.
[His fingers brush her cheek instead of her hair this time.]
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She's quiet for a long moment, turning this new information over in her head.]
... I wouldn't wish to make my brother any more unhappy than I already have. [It's her turn to look apologetic, the pink gaining some momentum and touching the tips of her ears.] Your friendship is what matters most to me. I was already worried I'd ruined it.
[There's still time for that, of course.]
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Right! So, we'll talk -- I'll talk to him first, and we'll get this all sorted.
[After all, how could Dion be unhappy with it? The too of them got along so well, after all. Why, if Dion wasn't so clearly gay, Astarion might have assumed the two of them had had something going on, in fact.]
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You do that.
[Definitely not a conversation she'll be having with Dion, especially since she still needs to set things right between them.]
Dion knows me better than anyone else, I think. He's kept me on my feet this past year.
[They've known one another for only short time compared to the lifetimes she's known Clive and Joshua. Yet she cannot always be honest with Clive like she is with Dion, and Joshua's still someone she's getting to know again, now as a grown man.]
That is to say, his happiness is important to me. I support whatever brings him joy.
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Strangely, I find myself echoing that sentiment.
[Strange only because he has not -- that he recalls -- put anyone first before. Not significantly. Not out of anything less than abject misery with his own circumstance. He can't truly explain the whole of it, but he doesn't try. It's just... nice. Just like Jill is... nice.
His hands withdraw from her slowly, dipping to take her own in his with a little squeeze. Red eyes seek gray, and he holds her gaze.]
Yet, your happiness is important as well, you know.
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But Dion also makes her happy, and she's determined to make no more mistakes with him. She meets Astarion's eyes with a soft smile, a little effort required to get it on her lips, but the squeeze to his hands is stronger.]
Thank you. I'm... figuring that part out.
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Then he settles back on his heels, but there is something far too self-satisfied growing in his grin.]
I can be a very persistent little reminder when I want to be.
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She's sure no one's bothered to glance out the windows.
And even so, this is her business. She only glances back once before looking to Astarion.]
A welcomed thorn in my side.
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You wouldn't have me any other way. [He declares, the picture of confidence.]
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Indeed. I like this Astarion, that speaks his heart and mind with less concern about appearances. [In more than one way--he's vain, and she doesn't think he'll take offense for her essentially saying as much.] I like learning more about you.
[Even if it's tragic. Unfortunately, it's tragedy that makes her feel closer to people--especially when it hits similar notes to her own story.]
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Well, don't get too used to it. A gentleman such as myself does like to maintain some mystery, you know.
[He offers breezily, only smirking back at her smiling face.]