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[noburden]

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[noburden]

The look on his face is answer enough. Jill doesn't smile, but she shakes her head and gets up to go fetch what she offered. She returns with a small bowl of watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, and blueberries. Seasons matter little here when it comes to produce.

She sits and offers him the bowl.

"They're all so sweet, they'll make you feel even better," she says, because it does matter to her that he's in good health.

[rosarianoath]

Pineapple is new, and watermelon something he's only had with her. He takes the bowl with an appreciative look.

"Thank you," he repeats. He's not sure how many times he's said it, but a few more times won't hurt.

He eats with gusto.

[noburden]

"You're welcome," she replies, and she wishes watching him eat with such enthusiasm didn't bring her joy, even now. He's rattled her to her very core and still, she yearns to see him happy.

She turns her face to see where Torgal has moved, right outside the bedroom door, still dozing.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Clive."

[rosarianoath]

He follows her gaze to Torgal. His gangly legs are stretched out, taking up the maximum amount of floor space possible. Clive feels the flicker of a smile.

"You take good care of me."

[noburden]

She doesn't think so. If she took good care of him, they wouldn't be so broken.

"No matter how things are between us now, I remember all that you've done for me over the years. The least I can do is see you fed."

[rosarianoath]

His attention moves back to her, the gentle slope of her nose.

"We've done a lot for each other," he says. "I don't see that as a matter of repayment, or balances owed."

[noburden]

"We'd never settle them," she murmurs. She can feel his eyes on her, and she looks to him with a faint frown.

"So what I mean to say is... I will take care of you if you're in need. That will never change." She'll tend to his wounds and see he's fed and bathed and hold him when he weeps over Joshua. Always.

[rosarianoath]

Bitterly, he wants to confess to her that he's always in need; he can live without, but that doesn't stop his wants from reaching intensities he cannot deny. But he just nods, and sits forward a little.

"I promise the same in turn. Whatever is within my power, you call call upon me."

[noburden]

She would like to have no need of him. If only.

"I will not be going out to get a wound for you to stitch," she replies quietly, but it is a joke.

[rosarianoath]

"Good to know," he says.

Awkward. This is awkward. He pops a piece of pineapple in his mouth and the sting is unexpected but sweet.

"No hunting for you, then, hm?"

[noburden]

Terribly awkward. But sitting alone in the living room, pretending he was not right in her space? Way more awkward.

"Only for Torgal's sake," she says, and the wolf's ears twitch at mention of his name, though his eyes remain closed. "I think he misses all those days out on the road."

[rosarianoath]

"Do you?" he asks.

[noburden]

She looks at him. She should change the subject. Talking about their past together has done nothing for them.

But she answers anyway, honestly.

"I do." She took them for granted. "Do you?"

[rosarianoath]

Talking about their past is the cornerstone of their relationship. The past, he realizes, is most of what they ever had. He sighs, earnest and fond, missing the people they were profoundly.

"All the time."

[noburden]

"What do you miss most?" She asks, knowing she shouldn't. They're already doing a lot of things they shouldn't.

[rosarianoath]

"About being on the road?" he repeats, unwilling to let it be confused for anything else. "Camping at night. Nothing but stars above us, time standing still."

[noburden]

That does manage to coax the tiniest of smiles from Jill.

"That was my answer, too. I was always relieved when we were too far out from an inn. We wouldn't have to put on an act just to have a roof over our heads. I much preferred the moon and stars."

Everything felt simple.

[rosarianoath]

She'd never liked playing those roles, but he'd loved calling her his lady. Being her slave had been the only way he'd felt permitted to, especially in the long years they'd been too shamed to be honest with each other.

Now, there's so much honesty everything is broken.

"It was always beautiful, whether we were sleeping in the sand, or in long grasses, or in the mountains..."

[noburden]

She nods.

"The only way those years could have been better is if Joshua had been with us," she says.

[rosarianoath]

Nostalgia comes crashing down. Clive just nods.

"In another lifetime... he would have been."

[noburden]

Jill's quiet for a long moment. She misses him so intensely for a moment her ribs ache, and she has to force a deep breath to lessen the discomfort.

"He would have had something to say about that time you dropped me in the mud."

The rain had caught them off guard, turning the roads to mud. They were both struggling to keep their footing. Still, it's a good memory, and on a better day it would have made her laugh aloud. Now, it's bittersweet, but it allows her to look at him with the faintest hint of amusement.

[rosarianoath]

"He would have never let me forget it," he replies, looking at the ease to her face and not feeling it in himself. It's difficult to talk about Joshua in the theoretical, grafting happy times onto his absence. He sets aside his plate absently. "I've never forgotten it."

[noburden]

"You'd never dropped me before and never did after," she says, having so many memories of grabbing onto him for balance when playing as children or later, as adults, during battle or rescue. "So I suppose you haven't."

[rosarianoath]

"I blame the mud," he says. "It was the lapse in my consistency."

He's glad she doesn't hate him, and talking like this feels good, but it feels dangerous. He left her, he reminds her. What business does he have wanting her now, remembering the stolen moment that incident led to?

Gently: "I must be keeping you from your day. I should bathe."

[noburden]

He's right. Jill nods and stands, collecting his plate and bowl. The sooner he goes to have his bath, the sooner she can change out of this bloodied nightgown.

"Of course. You know where the tub is," she tells him, and hurries to the kitchen where she can busy herself at the sink. The sound of the water is loud--a good excuse to no longer speak.