What did he say? He knows, but the impulse is not so easily repeated, even buried so deep in her. He draws in a hard breath, gazing at her, love-drunk.
Her eyes search his. It's hard to think when he's still buried inside her, their bodies still twitching. She thinks maybe it best she ignore what she thinks she heard.
He eases up his grip on her knees so he can cup her face, settling to rest inside her, still save for the heave of his breath. He runs his thumb along her cheek.
“Thank you,” he says. “For having me in your life.”
"I know what it is to live a life without you in it," she tells him. She mourned him for years in the Iron Kingdom, hoping that if he did not manage to survive to one day rescue her, that his death was quick. And then, he left to Origin...
"I need you by my side, Clive." Though she can manage. "I want you by my side."
He knows what he said, and looking at her face, he thinks she knows, too. But no matter how desperately — foolishly — he wants her, there’s reason to hesitate.
“I’m here,” he says. “I have no intention of being anywhere else.”
"I could have a thousand years with you and it would never be enough. I won't ever tire of seeing your smile or hearing your voice," she says, but then why does the idea of being man and wife not quite sit well within her heart? It did, once. Once, when the odds were stacked against them.
Aren't they still?
She strokes his cheek with her thumb, looking sad for a moment before she catches herself and pulls up a soft smile for him.
"You are so very special, Clive. I'm grateful for you every day."
He nods and relaxes against her, easing his grip on her until her legs are just draped over his hip. He drifts his hand back up her side. He considers apologizing, but it wouldn’t do any more than her prayers when it’s on him to make amends.
"There could be far less love here and I still wouldn't want it to linger in the dark," he remarks, meeting her eyes. "I wonder what it would be like to not just survive, but to truly thrive..."
"What do you think that would look like for us, Clive?"
Is it what they have now? She doesn't know anymore. This may be as good as it gets, but that's no terrible thing. It doesn't frighten her as it once did.
He pauses, brow knitting slightly. They lack for so much, and the one thing they do have doesn’t feel like something he ever would have thought about. What good is a house without community, without marriage? Children?
He manages: “I would serve you without reservation or limitations. Neither of us would recall or care for the actions of this past half-year, because we would be satisfied with a future.”
"It's not an impossible fantasy," she says, thumb caressing his cheek. She wishes she could forget all of the terrible things between them, and the hurt from home, and the bitterness that still twists her heart now and then.
She sighs, meeting his eyes with a smile.
"I just hope that one day, you can say you're truly happy. That your heart is full and nothing hurts."
"Save the world for you and I," she murmurs, leaning her face in to brush their noses together. "Until then... I'll try to bring you happiness in what ways I can."
"You've excelled at anything I could hope to ask for," he says, tilting his head ever so slightly into her touch. "Your forgiveness alone is worth the world."
"I forgive you for everything," she says. She won't forget, but she's come to understand why they are where they are now. In time, she hopes the pain will fade, too.
"I'm happy just to spend time with you," she says. And she is. In bed like this, or sitting at the dining table together, she tries to cherish each moment.
"As long as we wake up like this, too. This..." This is where I'm most safe, she nearly says, but that's no longer true. She traces a line down his neck and the tail of his scar there.
"I won't slip away in the night," he promises, and he breathes out, long, slow, relaxed. "I may not be able to overcome my shame as often as I'd like, but even when it bests me, this is the only place I want to be."
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He says, with untethered sincerity: “I love you.”
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"I love you, too. More than anything..."
But.
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“Thank you,” he says. “For having me in your life.”
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"I need you by my side, Clive." Though she can manage. "I want you by my side."
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“I’m here,” he says. “I have no intention of being anywhere else.”
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Aren't they still?
She strokes his cheek with her thumb, looking sad for a moment before she catches herself and pulls up a soft smile for him.
"You are so very special, Clive. I'm grateful for you every day."
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“And dawn will come for us,” he murmurs. “Won’t it?”
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"I hope so. I pray all the time."
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“It will, Jill.”
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"I believe you. There's too much between us to stay in the dark forever." Too much to lose.
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Is it what they have now? She doesn't know anymore. This may be as good as it gets, but that's no terrible thing. It doesn't frighten her as it once did.
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He manages: “I would serve you without reservation or limitations. Neither of us would recall or care for the actions of this past half-year, because we would be satisfied with a future.”
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She sighs, meeting his eyes with a smile.
"I just hope that one day, you can say you're truly happy. That your heart is full and nothing hurts."
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"If I can get a boon, and save the world," he says. "Perhaps I will be."
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Even if briefly.
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"I forgive you for everything," she says. She won't forget, but she's come to understand why they are where they are now. In time, she hopes the pain will fade, too.
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“Thank you,” he says. “Truly. And if there’s any more I can do, to be better to you…”
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comment 666 number of the situationship
"This is the only place I wish to be."
More true.
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