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[noburden]

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[rosarianoath]

He looks at her, expression softening. There is no one like Jill, no love in his life like hers.

"If only we were free to exist that way all the time. I want to believe we can, someday. If not in this life, then in another."

[noburden]

"Don't be so quick to give up on the here and now, Clive." This sort of counts as their next life, anyway.

"We will face upset and pain soon. That's inevitable, once Joshua knows what happened. But we can come back from that. We've done it time and time again, haven't we?"

While chipping away at their hearts and souls. Clive's have taken the hardest hits.

[rosarianoath]

He knows. Oh, Founder does he ever know. His grip on her tightens, his jaw tensing for a beat as he imagines the twist of the knife,

“We will come back,” he agrees. “Somehow… I’ll earn his forgiveness, and then think on how to be happy.”

[noburden]

"Somehow?" Jill stops walking. "Clive... it will not be the battle you think it is. He will think you mad for looking for forgiveness when there's nothing to forgive."

And Joshua will give it anyway, if that's what Clive needs.

"I don't think anything between you and Joshua or myself needs to be earned."

[rosarianoath]

He stops barely a pace ahead, heart seizing as he looks back at her.

“He will forgive me for my failures,” he says. “But he will be angry when he learns what I’ve done to you.”

[noburden]

Jill shakes her head.

"His anger will be breif."

They're much better than they were.

[rosarianoath]

Clive pauses. When Joshua had punched him, he'd fallen to the ground not from the impact but from the shock; how had he failed his brother so miserably that he'd felt the need to strike sense into him that way?

"But he will be angry."

[noburden]

"Anger doesn't mean lack of love," she says softly. "I've been angry with you and never loved you any less."

And it has passed, for the most part.

[rosarianoath]

“I know,” he says. He knows so deeply it hurts. “I apologize… I’ve never been good at these conversations.”

[noburden]

"All the more reason to have them. I don't want you convincing yourself of things that are untrue." Getting himself so twisted he pushes away those that love him most. Not again.

"Joshua will see that despite what happened, you and I still care for one another. He will understand."

[rosarianoath]

He's quiet again for a long moment, tempted to just keep walking. He sighs.

"He was angry that I took Shiva," he says, finally. "Far and beyond any anger I felt from you, at the time. I've never seen him so furious as that day."

[noburden]

Jill frowns.

"He should have spoken to me before getting angry with you," she says.

[rosarianoath]

"He was concerned about you," he replies. "As he will be now."

[noburden]

She thinks his main concern will be Clive, and that he was in such a state he thought it best to push Jill away.

"And I will tell him that you and I are..." She trails off, trying to find the right words. "We're finding ourselves again. I forgive you for what happened in the winter."

She thinks of it often, but she has a better understanding of why things went so badly so quickly.

"You needed a stronger partner, then. One that didn't ignore signs."

[rosarianoath]

He watches her apprehensively as she looks for a description of them, and what follows hurts and heals at once. He wishes it was more. He’s relieved she forgives him at all.

“We don’t have to talk about it if it isn’t the right time,” he says. “But I understand why you acted the way you did, and appreciate that you tried so hard to care for me. You shouldn’t have needed to read signs to determine what I was thinking.”

[noburden]

She has vivid memories of standing before him in a park, barely able to look at him, bristling when be tried to talk. Not considering that such a thing didn't come easily to him.

There's a nearby bench and few people around, and so Jill tugs him towards it.

"You were hurting and I was happy to pretend all was well." Play as man and wife--as much as that hurt her to hear back then, he wasn't entirely wrong. "The person I am now would have treated you differently. I had to learn."

Learn patience, and how truly terrible Origin was for them all. Of course his hurt touched every part of his life, even the good within his grasp.

[rosarianoath]

He follows her, happy to be under her hand. He’d been so sure back then that leaving her was the only way to save her from the vortex of his grief, and the seemingly impossible tangle of his guilt. How fortunate he is that she decided to grow with him.

“I wish I’d asked for your help much sooner,” he says, a little mournful. He’s been robbed of so much time in his life, but seldom because of his own choices. “But what matters is to have you now.”

[noburden]

They both made their mistakes, heartache blinding them. As they sit, Jill takes his hand in both of hers. He is her treasure. Forever and always.

"I'm still sorry I didn't fight harder for you," she says. It was easier to be hurt and insulted and angry without examining what drove him to leave her. "Are we both forgiven, Clive?"

[rosarianoath]

Oh, Jill. He looks down at her slender fingers wrapped around his and feels glad that things did not go even more perilously worse than they already have.

"I never needed to give that a second thought," he says, meeting her eyes. "Of course I forgive you, just as I accept yours."

[noburden]

"Then there is nothing here for Joshua to be angry about."

Maybe he need not know all the details.

"If you can forgive so easily, so can he."

[rosarianoath]

Clive ducks his head to her, bumping his forehead against hers. The relief on his face is transparent, and he closes his eyes.

"I hope so."

[noburden]

Hope is good enough. Jill releases his hand to hold his face, forehead pressed to his.

"I'll protect you." Even if by simply explaining to Joshua herself what happened between her and Clive, without anger.

[rosarianoath]

It would be easy to rebuff that; he’s a Shield, he doesn’t need protection from anyone. But she deserves it, and she’s earned his trust there, time and time again.

“Thank you, my love.” He bumps his nose against hers. “We should go home.”

[noburden]

She'd argue he needs protection from himself, and the heavy darkness that seems to want to pull him down at every corner.

A sweet, affectionate kiss is dropped on the tip of his nose when she tips her face up.

"Let's go home, Clive. Joshua may be waiting for us."

What a wonderful thing to be able to say.

[rosarianoath]

“Yes, let’s.”

It is wonderful. The gloominess in him feels a little further away, and as he gets to his feet, he wonders if things could really be better. If he could dare to hope again, really hope.

“I think I’ll sleep very well tonight,” he says. “I hope you will too.”