noburden | inbox

"I think we were quiet," Jill points out. But she lets him go to gather up the bikinis in both colors. They'll get some sort of use.

"We should head home. I'd like to be there before Joshua returns."

"Of course," he agrees, picking up the cup, the bags, the rest of it. He'll have to leave the door to her. "I hope he had a good day..."

Jill opens the door for Clive, but nor before peeking out to make sure they weren't about to wall into trouble. The shop is quiet beyond the music playing in the background.

"I'm sure he did. It's difficult to let him be so far from our sight, isn't it?" She adjusts her skirt. "I trust Dion with my life. I trust him with Joshua's as well. They'll stay out of trouble."

“I think Dion will protect him,” Clive says, heading out. “I just don’t think his idea of protecting him is the same as mine.”

She glances at him before looking for the register.

"I asked him not to speak of Origin to Joshua."

“Is he going to take that to heart?”

He’d rather not talk about it either, but that hasn’t kept it off Dion’s lips.

"He will," Jill says calmly. "He understands the situation as I've explained it."

That should be all he needs.

Clive’s brow momentarily furrows, but he says nothing, not wanting to upset her with questions. He just leads her to the cash register, and sets down the empty cup so he can fish out his coin purse.

Jill picks up the cup just in case, and even tries to slip a few bags off his arm so he can pay without having to juggle everything.

The cashier scans each item and Jill does not look as the obviously wet bikini bottoms are quickly chucked into a bag. She's glad to be standing behind Clive.

Clive stays stony-faced and calm through the transaction, less for any thought of Ultima and more from years of practice being mildly intimidating to ward off trouble. It works, more or less — the cashier notices and does not look thrilled as she picks up the bottoms by a tie. Clive just pockets his wallet and picks up the back, putting his hand out to take the rest back.

“Home, then.”

Instead of the bags or cup, Clive gets Jill's hand in his.

"I'm with you," she tells him with a small smile. "I know you'll talk to Joshua when the time I'd right."

It’s oddly to hear her say it; he hadn’t thought she’d agree to that out of anything but obligation. He squeezes her hand.

“Thank you. That relieves me.”

It stings to hear the confirmation that this is news to him. She supposes she hasn't given him much reason to assume her loyalty. While she doesn't think he can take very long, she knows he needs time to figure out how to approach the conversation, and he has that as Joshua adjusts to the city.

"I want to support you. You're not alone."

“I know I have you now,” he says, eyes ahead of them. It’s embarrassing to know he didn’t feel that way before, that he could think he was more trophy to her than man. Shame. He adds: “Together, we’ll make the best of this.”

It lifts her heart to heart him say the words, even if he may not believe them. He'll get there.

"We will. In the end... we'll be all right. I know we will."

“We will.”

Outside the store, in the anonymous bustle of the mall, Clive pauses and turns to her, briefly stooping to plant a kiss on her lips, quick and sure. He has no free hand with which to cup her cheek or stroke her face, but he lingers after it breaks off, nose against hers. Then he’s serious again, eyes ahead.

“I promise.”

It's enough for her to feel that, for at least one moment, she has the Clive that hasn't been broken by Origin. She savors it as long as she can before it passes.

The walk home isn't very long, but as they exit the mall and head down the streets towards home, she breaks their comfortable silence. Something has been on her mind ever since Joshua came back into their lives. Perhaps even before Requiem.

"Do you realize that you're allowed to be happy, Clive?"

Once, he soothed her guilt for enjoying a day together and the simple pleasures of warm, fresh bread. But he often fails to apply the same kindness to himself. Especially now.

Their bags swing at his side, and the breeze outside is crisp and warm and real compared to the recirculated air indoors. He listens to her question with a pit in his stomach and a tension in his joints that makes him want to run very far, very fast, and not look back. But he isn't a runner, not from questions he's asked himself before, and especially not from the woman he wants by his side.

He is quiet for a long moment, fingers still wound around hers.

"I want to feel as though I am. And I do, sometimes."

Jill knows him well enough to know he hates that she asks. It makes her all the more appreciative when he answers, and her thumb rubs his warm skin. She loves and misses the Clive she knew before Origin, and she loves this Clive, too. Even as she learns more about him.

"Sometimes?" She asks, tipping her head curiously.

He knew he'd have to elaborate. He will, for her sake.

"When we spend time together, and there's a smile on your face," he explains, "everything else melts away, and I love my own life as much as I love you."

A part of her wonders if he says that for lack of a better answer. In the next moment she feel awful for thinking such a thing, and holds his hand tighter. No. She wants to believe him, and so she shall. She has to trust him.

"... in Valisthea, that's how I always felt with you," she tells him. So, she understands. "Whenever I was by your side, I could imagine some sort of future."

And while she never could have imagined this city, the life here has so much of what she hoped for: family and home and new things to experience.

He looks at her, expression softening. There is no one like Jill, no love in his life like hers.

"If only we were free to exist that way all the time. I want to believe we can, someday. If not in this life, then in another."

"Don't be so quick to give up on the here and now, Clive." This sort of counts as their next life, anyway.

"We will face upset and pain soon. That's inevitable, once Joshua knows what happened. But we can come back from that. We've done it time and time again, haven't we?"

While chipping away at their hearts and souls. Clive's have taken the hardest hits.

He knows. Oh, Founder does he ever know. His grip on her tightens, his jaw tensing for a beat as he imagines the twist of the knife,

“We will come back,” he agrees. “Somehow… I’ll earn his forgiveness, and then think on how to be happy.”

"Somehow?" Jill stops walking. "Clive... it will not be the battle you think it is. He will think you mad for looking for forgiveness when there's nothing to forgive."

And Joshua will give it anyway, if that's what Clive needs.

"I don't think anything between you and Joshua or myself needs to be earned."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject