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[noburden]

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[rosarianoath]

Over her shoulder, his expression crumples. What an impossible question to dodge. He’s sure he can be fixed, he must be, but when?

“Eventually,” he says, finally. “I’ve suffered worse.”

[noburden]

"We can't be the cause of one another's suffering," she says sadly. Not just the two of them, but Dion and Joshua as well.

Jill rubs a hand up and down his back. How she's missed being in his arms. She doesn't want to leave them.

[rosarianoath]

He draws in a hard, gasping breath, turning his head just enough to press a hard kiss to her scalp, and he nods against her.

"We'll fix all of it," he says. "Together."

[noburden]

Broken as they are, he still fights to keep himself together. She closes her eyes.

They have to start with one another before they can fix anything else.

"I'm here now. Forgive me for taking so long to find you, Clive."

A month of skirting around him and leaving the room shortly after he enters. It's cruel.

[rosarianoath]

Clive nods again, his embrace around her tightening marginally. She isn't the first woman to act like his presence is disgusting, but prying himself out of her arms now feels cold. He doesn't want to hurt her worse than he already has.

"I'm sorry for driving you off, and hurting someone you love."

[noburden]

She nods, too. The words help even if she knows he feels justified in what he did. There's no changing that.

Everyone must find a way forward.

"I know you're the same man I've loved for so much of my life," she says. "You deserve better from me."

[rosarianoath]

Clive cannot remember the last time he felt so viscerally uncomfortable, now at the prospect of admitting he does deserve better behaviour from her, but he still can't bring himself to say it aloud. He just wonders aloud, voice quiet:

"Did you ever think I wasn't?"

[noburden]

"No," she replies immediately, truthfully. He's done brutish things, but he's no brute. He wouldn't tend to her so gently or hold her so carefully otherwise.

"But I haven't acted like it."

[rosarianoath]

Relief.

"I love you, Jill," he says. "It made me sick to my heart to think you thought me as much of a monster as I feel I am..."

[noburden]

Jill squeezes him before pulling back enough to look at him. She promises herself that she will try to meet his eyes more often, to not look away when speaking.

"I love you. I don't think you're a monster, Clive." Worth to say clearly, to further soothe his heart. Her eyes drop to his lips before she leans up to press a brief, chaste kiss to them. She'll behave.

[rosarianoath]

He’s glad it’s short, if only because it’s too tempting to leave conversation behind and settle into the simple comfort of touch. He sighs, forehead against hers, lingering close for just a second longer.

“Thank you,” he sighs. “I will sleep better tonight knowing that.”

[noburden]

Even if he were a monster, she'd love him still. She keeps the thought to herself--her promises haven't held much weight, lately.

"When do we know we're better?" She asks. Sleep came so much easier with him beside her.

[rosarianoath]

“I don’t know,” he admits, fingers winding around hers briefly. “Maybe when there’s nothing to be afraid of saying to each other.”

[noburden]

She moves her fingers just enough to grasp his.

"I don't know if anyone has ever had that."

[rosarianoath]

That pessimism surprises him and saddens him at once.

“Well, then,” he says. “When we can imagine ourselves married and having babies and growing old together once more.”

But he still, he thinks, doesn’t want to be afraid.

[noburden]

Jill frowns. Married and having babies and growing old together...

"Are you afraid I'll change my mind about that?" She asks, thumb brushing over his knuckles.

[rosarianoath]

“No,” he says, reluctant to argue. “But it would not be wise to dream of it until we have found peace together again.”

[noburden]

It hurts to hear but he's right. Jill swallows and nods.

"I want peace between us more than anything," she says. "I want to be the person you trusted to be by your side through anything once more, like in Valisthea."

[rosarianoath]

“I want that too.” He nods seriously. He pauses, swallowing his breath. “Perhaps I take you on a date later this week? We can start there.”

[noburden]

"I'd like that. Very much," she adds. She misses their time together, the little dates they began to have once they were on the mend. Strange to feel like they're starting from the beginning again.

"But we can all have dinner together tomorrow night."

[rosarianoath]

Two steps forward, one step back.

“I’d like dinner together as well,” he says. “I know Joshua would appreciate it as well.”

[noburden]

He would. It was his request, after all.

"This month has been terrible, but he at least seems to be doing well, doesn't he?" She asks, hoping Clive doesn't know something she doesn't. She's spent some nights with him, keeping them both company. He's strong, even in the face of horrific revelations.

[rosarianoath]

“He’s of sturdier spirit than body, certainly,” he says. He lets go of her hand gently, and crosses the room to get pajamas for her. “We talked that night, and he hasn’t expressed any anger with me since.”

[noburden]

"I'm glad," she says, hand curling at her side in his absence. "He loves you very much. He wishes for your peace and happiness."

Joshua reacted better than she did.

[rosarianoath]

“I know,” Clive says, pulling out a night dress for her, a touch of discomfort on his voice. “But I’m sure our trust is broken as well, or at least his in me.”