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[noburden]

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[rosarianoath]

[He tilts his head up, nose pressing into the underside of her jaw.]

Then I shall endeavor to be with you like this as much as I can.

[noburden]

It's only difficult because of how I wish to give you comfort. I don't want us to make love instead of talk, when we've both agreed we need to be better in that regard.

[Holding him will have to be enough. She squeezes him.]

[rosarianoath]

[He tightens his arm around her waist.]

Mm. But you’ll tell me if you need my body before then, will you? I do not want to make it harder on you than bearable.

[noburden]

[What a miserable thing to hear. She bites back the hurt, knowing it's more about his view of himself more than how he might think she sees him. Her reminder is gentle.]

Your heart is more important to me than your body. That is what I need most of all. Your body is not something for me to use when I have a need.

[rosarianoath]

[It doesn’t occur to him that he’s said anything cruel until she puts it that way, and he lifts his head just to meet her eyes.]

I’m sorry, Jill. I didn’t mean to suggest you would handle me carelessly…

[noburden]

[She cups his cheek. He's forgiven.]

I only say it to be sure you know. If we never slept together again, I would still love you more than anything else in the world.

[rosarianoath]

[His cheek is a warm weight in her hand as he leans into her touch.]

I feel the same. But rest assured, the desire I feel for you is too great to live so chastely forever.

[noburden]

[She can't help but smile a little at that.]

I was hoping you'd say that. I miss having you, but I don't know if we would have our letters if we let ourselves get distracted.

[rosarianoath]

We wouldn’t. [It would be all too easy to just exist under her thighs, smothered along with his hurts.] So for now… we endure.

[noburden]

But this... this helps.

[Her, at least. She's happy to have him close, to hold and be held.]

[rosarianoath]

Good.

[He gives her another squeeze, and then relaxes a little.]

[noburden]

I've always been happy to be by your side.

[She's always loved him.]

I truly wish there was a way for you to understand how I see you. To see that you're enough.

[rosarianoath]

If I could slip inside your mind for even an hour, I’m sure I would.

[He lays his head back down.]

Until that’s possible… I’ll simply have to learn for myself.

[noburden]

And I will remind you in what ways I can.

[By talking, listening, or now reading--she resumes petting his hair, slowly ans affectionately.]

I would write it all down for you but I don't think enough ink exists, even here.

[rosarianoath]

[Founder, he can’t wait to fall asleep to the sensation of her fingers on his scalp.]

I’d be too self conscious to read more than a page or two anyhow…

[noburden]

[She hums softly.]

Then perhaps I can keep it to one page for you.

[rosarianoath]

I’ll cherish it forever. [He closes his eyes, heartbeat slowing as he relaxes.]

[noburden]

[She has no idea how to keep it to one page, but she wants to try for him. He should have something to keep, fond as he is of momentos.]

I hardly remember a time when you didn't occupy my heart.

[rosarianoath]

[The urge to kiss her is overwhelming, but there's so much work left to do before there can be distractions. He settles for breathing in deeply, feeling the soft squish of her body under his.]

I was fond of you from the first day. I used to dream about holding you like this just once before you were made a bride.

[noburden]

[She feels the urge, too. But they're behaving, and all she does is hug him tighter for a moment.]

I always hoped I would suddenly learn that I was to be your bride. I wanted to be your lady, by your side.

[rosarianoath]

Perhaps if, in a few more years, we'd both manifested as Dominants...

[But Joshua would have her first, most likely. It's an odd thought; not one he's ever had before, and not one he wants to dwell on very long. He says nothing.]

Maybe she would approve after all.

[noburden]

[They both know she'd likely be wed to Joshua were that the case. Still, she can pretend well enough, imagine a world in which they could have been together from the start.]

Three Dominants under one banner. Imagine.

[Wed to Clive or Joshua, Rosaria would be sitting pretty.]

[rosarianoath]

Rosaria would be an empire.

[As disgusting as it is unsettling. He gives a little huff, tired.]

I do not care to think on it.

[noburden]

Then think of something more pleasant before we sleep. Something about us.

[Surely he can think of a better fantasy.]

[rosarianoath]

[His mind feels like an ugly place, and surprisingly, it does not feel lighter simply for having been asked to be. He stews on it for a moment, and then asks:]

What would you like to do on our next date?