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[noburden]

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[noburden]

What are you afraid of? After all we've been through... I'm still here, Clive.

[She wishes to always be by his side.]

[rosarianoath]

I don’t think you’d leave me. [She’s taken everything so far in stride.] But I don’t know if I can face all of those thoughts, or burden you with them.

[noburden]

A little at a time.

[May writing the letters give him courage. Jill turns her face to press her lips to his head, breathing in the scent of his hair.]

I love you. I still want everything we spoke of in this bed, and I think I always will.

[rosarianoath]

[He could cry. He just breathes.]

I love you too. I want to be a good husband, and the father of your children.

[noburden]

Our children will be loved equally.

[Because of course they would have more than one.]

We'll get there some day. I know we will. But now we must focus on healing our hurts, whatever ways we can.

[rosarianoath]

Like my father did.

[He snuggles in tighter, if such a thing were even possible.]

What can I do for you? For your hurts?

[noburden]

[His father allowed his mother to treat him as she did. Jill inhales deeply as he presses against her, hugging him tightly. How could anyone not want the absolute best for him?]

I don't know. I don't say that to be dismissive... I forget my hurts when we're together like this, open and honest. When we speak freely.

[rosarianoath]

[He tilts his head up, nose pressing into the underside of her jaw.]

Then I shall endeavor to be with you like this as much as I can.

[noburden]

It's only difficult because of how I wish to give you comfort. I don't want us to make love instead of talk, when we've both agreed we need to be better in that regard.

[Holding him will have to be enough. She squeezes him.]

[rosarianoath]

[He tightens his arm around her waist.]

Mm. But you’ll tell me if you need my body before then, will you? I do not want to make it harder on you than bearable.

[noburden]

[What a miserable thing to hear. She bites back the hurt, knowing it's more about his view of himself more than how he might think she sees him. Her reminder is gentle.]

Your heart is more important to me than your body. That is what I need most of all. Your body is not something for me to use when I have a need.

[rosarianoath]

[It doesn’t occur to him that he’s said anything cruel until she puts it that way, and he lifts his head just to meet her eyes.]

I’m sorry, Jill. I didn’t mean to suggest you would handle me carelessly…

[noburden]

[She cups his cheek. He's forgiven.]

I only say it to be sure you know. If we never slept together again, I would still love you more than anything else in the world.

[rosarianoath]

[His cheek is a warm weight in her hand as he leans into her touch.]

I feel the same. But rest assured, the desire I feel for you is too great to live so chastely forever.

[noburden]

[She can't help but smile a little at that.]

I was hoping you'd say that. I miss having you, but I don't know if we would have our letters if we let ourselves get distracted.

[rosarianoath]

We wouldn’t. [It would be all too easy to just exist under her thighs, smothered along with his hurts.] So for now… we endure.

[noburden]

But this... this helps.

[Her, at least. She's happy to have him close, to hold and be held.]

[rosarianoath]

Good.

[He gives her another squeeze, and then relaxes a little.]

[noburden]

I've always been happy to be by your side.

[She's always loved him.]

I truly wish there was a way for you to understand how I see you. To see that you're enough.

[rosarianoath]

If I could slip inside your mind for even an hour, I’m sure I would.

[He lays his head back down.]

Until that’s possible… I’ll simply have to learn for myself.

[noburden]

And I will remind you in what ways I can.

[By talking, listening, or now reading--she resumes petting his hair, slowly ans affectionately.]

I would write it all down for you but I don't think enough ink exists, even here.

[rosarianoath]

[Founder, he can’t wait to fall asleep to the sensation of her fingers on his scalp.]

I’d be too self conscious to read more than a page or two anyhow…

[noburden]

[She hums softly.]

Then perhaps I can keep it to one page for you.

[rosarianoath]

I’ll cherish it forever. [He closes his eyes, heartbeat slowing as he relaxes.]

[noburden]

[She has no idea how to keep it to one page, but she wants to try for him. He should have something to keep, fond as he is of momentos.]

I hardly remember a time when you didn't occupy my heart.