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[noburden]

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[rosarianoath]

“I do too,” he says. There’s a pit of anger in his belly, but he wants her, too. “Perhaps… we take our time with it. Avoid distracting ourselves with lovemaking and put our focus on our hearts.”

[noburden]

Jill holds his gaze for a few heartbeats, then nods.

"We've made that mistake before," she recalls, slow in the way she reaches out to rest a hand over his heart, eyes dropping to his chest. "I love you in ways I can't describe, Clive. I never want you to feel used by me. Not again."

He was cruel to Dion, but she can't be cruel to him.

[rosarianoath]

That she brings it up at all makes him feel the slightest bit heartened, but kneeling before her now, he finds himself unsettled anyway. He gets to his feet just to sit next to her on the bed, instead.

"I appreciate that," he says. "I think it is for the best that I remain in the basement for now. But for the rest... we should continue to talk, and spend time together. Family dinners, not just for Joshua but for us, too."

[noburden]

As much as it hurts to hear, he's right. Some space will stop them from falling into one another too quickly.

"I agree. I miss what we had, even if it was brief."

Sitting at a table together, happy. It was like a dream.

[rosarianoath]

Clive nods. He isn't sure if he misses it; it was so brief, so easily eclipsed by the conflict after, that it feels like it was never real at all. A numbness starts settling on him, as quickly as he'd flipped the light switch earlier.

"We can have it again if we try."

[noburden]

She falls silent. Why does it seem like such a daunting task? The burn from her road rash pales in comparison to the ache she feels in her chest.

Her hand seeks out his.

"You must feel everything I've said to you is untrue." Promises to stand by his side, to always love him. How could he not question it?

[rosarianoath]

It's tempting not to hold her hand, but he does. He still wants it. It still feels comforting, despite it all. His grip on her hand is firm.

"I feel you'll love me as long as I never displease you," he admits.

[noburden]

She remembers Dion feeling much the same, once. They really are more alike than they would care to notice.

"I've never stopped loving you. Not for a moment. I know my actions don't reflect that," she can admit. Sending him away. Walking away. Putting up walls. "I'm sorry."

But she knows the words must have actions to fortify them. To rebuild his trust.

[rosarianoath]

"I forgive you." He turns his head to her, looking at her seriously. "From here on, we talk to each other. Even when it is difficult, no one turns away. Yes?"

[noburden]

"Yes. And we will remind one another of it," she promises. They have to be able to keep to this if they want a future of any sort together, she knows. "We don't leave."

[rosarianoath]

“We stay,” he agrees, with a squeeze of her hand. “And while we repair what’s between us, and our pasts… I understand if you have needs that need be met by others.”

[noburden]

Oh. Jill looks at him, caught off guard. They don't talk about such things.

That likely must change. She takes a breath.

"It's only fair I say the same to you. I dislike it, but I understand."

Needs are needs, after all.

[rosarianoath]

She’s always been flightier on the subject, but she’s undoubtedly always been the one with a much higher sex drive. He can’t imagine she wants to go without. Clive swallows his breath and nods.

“I haven’t been anyone else in long months,” he says. “If it’s any consolation.”

[noburden]

It's not. Jill keeps her breathing calm and level despite her heart pounding.

"I don't wish to know about it, but you should find your pleasure where you can."

[rosarianoath]

“Alright,” he says, and it feels like too much, so he just stands. “Let me finish cleaning you up so you can rest.”

[noburden]

She holds his hand tighter, just briefly.

"I'm sorry," she says once more. "For not always knowing what to do. For sometimes making things worse. I feel like I used to know the right moves, before, when we were at the Hideaway."

[rosarianoath]

He hesitates to pull away, instead turning to her, his hand still in hers.

“It’s alright, Jill,” he says, quietly. “This has all been strange, and far beyond anything we ever imagined… I couldn’t expect more grace and patience than you’ve already given.”

[noburden]

"They're easy to give. The... trying, that's the difficult part. But I shall. Every time I consider a life without you, a future without you..."

She can't.

"I need you, Clive. I always have."

[rosarianoath]

He hasn’t wept in front of anyone, through this whole miserable affair, and now the tears prick at his eyes as he looks down at her.

“I know, my love. I know. We need a future together, so we must try.”

[noburden]

It feels as if all she's done is weep. She's always surprised to find there are more tears behind her eyes, but it's only because she can see the tears in his.

It hurts to stand, her skin sore and stiff from sitting. Yet she does, using his hand to pull herself up. She can't be expected to remain where she is when she sees that look on his face.

"My treasure," she says, hugging him. They must find a way to heal together.

[rosarianoath]

He gathers her carefully into his arms, burying his face in her hair as he holds her gingerly to him. His breath comes momentarily sharp and uncomfortable as he holds back a sob.

“We’ll be alright eventually,” he promises her.

[noburden]

He holds her gingerly, but it's not enough. She presses herself against him to compensate. Her arm protests but she doesn't care.

"Will you be alright?" She asks. She didn't ask him how he was after that terrible night when she should have--she checked on Joshua, checked on Dion, but not the man she loves most.

[rosarianoath]

Over her shoulder, his expression crumples. What an impossible question to dodge. He’s sure he can be fixed, he must be, but when?

“Eventually,” he says, finally. “I’ve suffered worse.”

[noburden]

"We can't be the cause of one another's suffering," she says sadly. Not just the two of them, but Dion and Joshua as well.

Jill rubs a hand up and down his back. How she's missed being in his arms. She doesn't want to leave them.

[rosarianoath]

He draws in a hard, gasping breath, turning his head just enough to press a hard kiss to her scalp, and he nods against her.

"We'll fix all of it," he says. "Together."