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[noburden]

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[noburden]

"How?" She asks, feeling altogether sorry for herself. "It's all twisted, Clive."

[rosarianoath]

He reaches for her cheek, to hold her face.

"We forget the past month and carry on," he says. "We put it in the past, like my mother, and Imreann, and everyone else who has kept us from each other."

[noburden]

Her eyes shut tightly as she leans into his palm. She misses when they did this out of joy.

"I want to," she says, a whisper. "But I don't know how. Not when I've made Dion so many promises. And now I feel in order to keep them, I would break every one I've made to you. I don't wish to do either, to choose a side..."

Yet she's been told she already has. She rests a hand on Clive's wrist, squeezing.

"I know well that my heart is forever yours."

[rosarianoath]

"I cannot make amends with Dion," he says, sore to say it but sure it's the one thing that cannot be repaired here. "Even for your sake, it cannot be done. But if you cannot live with what I did, or if holding to his friendship will ensure you are better cared for in the longer term, then you shouldn't leave your heart with me."

He shifts a little closer, kneeing his way between her thighs.

"But I wish you would. I wish you could choose me."

[noburden]

"Was what he did so terrible?" She asks, looking into Clive's eyes as he moves. "Joshua does not seem upset with him."

[rosarianoath]

"Joshua does not share my cause." He emphasizes: "Our cause. He couldn't understand. But even if I am doomed to not be understood, I will not stand Don's attempts to control what I do or when any longer."

[noburden]

"Dion did not do what he did to spite you," she says softly. She had been furious, hurt, that he had not even thought to speak to her before telling Joshua everything. She still is.

But she reminds herself it was never about her to begin with.

"We all wish to save Valisthea, to see it freed... and the truth of what happened at Origin needed to be shared. He is eager to see his home saved. His loved ones safe. I can't fault him for that."

She sighs, regarding Clive solemnly even as she reaches out to touch his cheek in turn.

"And yet I know that his intentions do not change how you feel. I understand that. The burden is always on you, isn't it? I've seen what it's done to you."

[rosarianoath]

"What he did brought us no closer to saving Valisthea," he replies. "It just wrought pain."

He turns his face in her hand just enough to press a brief kiss to her palm. Under the faint copper of blood on her skin, he can smell her hand soap.

"I have borne the burden best I can, but how can I not balk when he seeks to force my hand whenever I do not fall into his line?"

[noburden]

"It gave Joshua clarity," she adds. "I would argue it made a bridge to draw you closer together."

Joshua was upset, yes, but they still remain brothers. The bigger threat to their peace was Clive's handling of Dion, in the end. Jill sighs, brushing her thumb over Clive's cheek.

"I wish to support you but I cannot abandon him." If Dion will even look at her again.

[rosarianoath]

Clive sighs, closing his eyes, the weight of his cheek settling in her hand. He feels exhausted, and he just wants to care for her, and not think about his own sorry state.

"I did not need a bridge to reach my brother," he says. "I only needed time. But it matters little, now. I understand I am the problem, and will carry on however you need me to."

[noburden]

A part of her thinks Dion did them a favor. He ripped the bandage off when they could not. A moot point to argue now, that she agrees.

"What does that mean, Clive?"

[rosarianoath]

He looks at her plainly.

“I am beyond saving,” he says, with a quiet bluntness. “But I will strive to not complicate matters between you and Dion further.”

[noburden]

She frowns.

"That has never been true," she tells him in the same tone. "You have never been beyond saving."

Even when in her darker, hopeless moments, the thought tries to take hold. His rage successfully took hold, but that doesn't mean he is lost.

[rosarianoath]

Thoughts roil in his head, and he resumes cleaning her up, careful and delicate. He shouldn’t have this argument with her, but the only response he can give her for a long moment is silence; better than saying that’s not what you feel.

Finally, he says:

“The only future I want is one with you. If you cannot see a way forward for us, then I am lost.”

[noburden]

The road rash is an afterthought in her mind. Hopeful as he is for Valisthea, there's nothing for himself.

He's always like this.

"You think yourself lost, but always seem to think I can find happiness without you. That's never been true, either. The last year has been proof of it."

[rosarianoath]

"I am not vouching for your happiness without me," he says, firmly, and there's a tick of frustration on his voice. "I am telling you that I stand by what I said in this very bed, one month ago, on a beautiful afternoon together. I want a future with you! But if you do not want a future with me, then I will persist in whatever way I have left to me, for scraps of your attention, and for Joshua, and what left there is to do for Valisthea, with hope to not be miserable myself."

[noburden]

"I still want a future with you." She's sure of that, words said calmly, slowly. She swallows, wondering when her mouth went dry.

"How do we get there, Clive? Is pretending all is well the only route? That didn't work for us before."

Playing at man and wife.

[rosarianoath]

"Nothing is well," Clive says, shaking his head, looking up at her, prepared to plead. "So we need not pretend anything. We must cut to the bone to excise what stands between us and our happiness, and then heal. Properly, this time."

[noburden]

He's right. Nothing is well. Joshua remains strong and determined but she knows his heart aches like the rest of them. They're all broken, the four of them. No wonder the jagged edges snag and cut.

She listens to what he says, letting the words settle in her chest. He makes it sound so simple. Could it be?

"Where do we begin?"

[rosarianoath]

"I don't know." He doesn't have answers. "But it won't happen if we are skirting each other in this house, scarcely talking, and keeping each other at arm's length."

[noburden]

Again, she agrees. It comes with a little nod of her head.

"It was miserable the first time and worse yet now."

She can't lose both her friendship with Dion and her relationship with Clive. These past weeks have been horrifically lonely in a way that surprised her.

[rosarianoath]

"I had to rebuild your trust in me, than," he says. "And now we must rebuild our trust in each other."

[noburden]

She's quiet for a long moment. She thinks she might know the answer, but there shouldn't be any room for doubt.

"Do you trust me less, now?"

She was quick to banish him from the bedroom. Quick to worry about Dion rather than Clive himself.

[rosarianoath]

Clive's gaze drops to her wounds again, shame surging in him for the mere idea of admitting it directly.

"I know I hurt you on that terrible night," he says. "But to be driven out so swiftly... I have not known what to think."

He shakes his head and gently runs the cloth down her side.

[noburden]

"I didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed." So much happened that night. Joshua's confrontation, Dion's face, the way he yelled at her. There's much she wishes she handled differently.

"I'm sorry I was so quick to act."

When she's upset with him for being so quick to seek out Dion and hurt him, she knows she did the same, in her own way. A hurt for a hurt fixes nothing.

"It was cruel to tell you this bed was yours only just to send you away."

She knows.